please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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