my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
