Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
