It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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