so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
