your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
