so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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