Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
