i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
