So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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