Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
