I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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