I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
