You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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