Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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