You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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