fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
