I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
