Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
