Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
operation harelip BJ is a go
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
