why im i the only drunk person in the library?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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