I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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