I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
