Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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