I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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