dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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