he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
