he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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