i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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