I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
