If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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