Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
