I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
