thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize