I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
