Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
