remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
A+ Viking dick
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
