garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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