I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
