He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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