I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
