He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
