Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
