remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
