scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
