he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
