What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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