Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
