why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
