I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
