I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
