I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
