There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
