I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
